doodlesanddroolpuddles

  1. 3 hours ago

    "There were a bunch of numbers in that group message that I didn’t have, but I knew which one was you immediately by the way it was written. You type exactly like you talk."

    This is not even close to the first time a person has said this to me. Do other people not type words the way they speak them? That seems weird. I guess it’s also possible that I just have a distinct way of phrasing things.

    I'm fairly certain I also punctuate sentences to match my speaking cadence

    Which is purposely a bit different when I get on a roll about something absurd

  2. notes

    23 hours ago

      Work IM pt 2

      1. Me:I told the lady I was ready for the leeches, and that it would be good to balance out my humors. She didn't get it. How do you work taking blood and not know about humors?

      2. Davis:Wait... what?

      3. Me:Without a good leeching now and again, you'll run warm and wet.

      4. Me:And no one wants that.

      5. Me:(I'm only about 78% sure warm and wet correspond to the blood humor)

      6. Davis:I have no idea what you're talking about.

      7. Me:JESUS, DAVIS, LEARN YOUR ANCIENT THEORIES OF MEDICINE!

      Does no one know about this?

      Am I the strange one here?

      I mean other than for the usual reasons

  3. notes

    1 day ago

    Such a disappointment

    There’s a blood drive happening at work, so as I hopped into the chair I made a joke to the lady about getting out the leeches so that we could balance out my humors. She didn’t get it. I almost got up and left right then.

    You're killing me lady

    Get on my level

  4. notes

    1 day ago

      Work IM

      1. Me:You probably aren't aware, but Cody has a serious problem holding on to pens for more than a week. So I solved the problem by buying him a bunch of the pens with ropes to go around his neck.

      2. Me:They're all animal print.

      3. A:Hahahahaha

      4. A:That's hot and functional.

      5. Me:He is not thrilled.

      6. Me:But I've ensured that his pen supply comes exclusively through me now, so that's all he's getting.

      7. A:Remember George, with great power comes great responsibility.

      8. Me:Yeah, I had to decide whether to start him off with a leopard, zebra, or tiger-print pen.

      9. Me:So obviously, I'm aware.

      The lack of professionalism in a leopard-print pen goes completely against Cody's nature

      And I love it so much

  5. 2 days ago

    "The Hound says cunt almost as much as you do. He also has a questionable moral code that no one else seems to understand but that he completely believes in and strictly follows. I’m not entirely sure that you aren’t the inspiration for that character."

    Cody is a week behind on Game of Thrones, so we’ve only now been able to discuss the first episode of the season. He is apparently convinced The Hound is based on me.

  6. notes

    2 days ago

    "Twatwaffle"

    This is a word I just yelled at a person who was driving like a… well, like a twatwaffle.

    I cannot be expected to stick to existing words in moments of stress.

    feel free to use this one

    you're welcome

  7. 2 days ago

    Just trying to plan a lunch with the old boss.

    Just trying to plan a lunch with the old boss.

  8. notes

    3 days ago

    When you guys watch Cosmos, do you ever get the feeling Neil deGrasse Tyson REALLY wants to fuck you?

    When you guys watch Cosmos, do you ever get the feeling Neil deGrasse Tyson REALLY wants to fuck you?

    I think it's the lip curl

    Which really didn't show up that great in this picture

  9. notes

    3 days ago

      Sometimes I really wonder about him

      1. J:Dude, it looks like your hands are covered in blood.

      2. Me:That is blood.

      3. J:...

      4. Me:Don't worry, it's lamb's blood.

      5. J:...

      6. Me:I'm cooking.

      7. J:Ooooh. I thought you might be like, sacrificing animals or something.

      8. Me:Yep, because that's the most likely explanation here.

  10. 4 days ago

    Chai tea, wafers, soccer. This is what all Saturday mornings should be like.

    Chai tea, wafers, soccer. This is what all Saturday mornings should be like.

    Now if only Newcastle were winning this game

  11. 5 days ago

    You guys, even my phone wants me to leave early.

    You guys, even my phone wants me to leave early.

  12. notes

    5 days ago

    "Hold on, I’m looking at a free version of the standard on some Chinese website because I don’t have time to go through the library to get it. But it ends at page 48 and I need to look at page 61. There’s a button at the bottom when I scroll all the way down though. It’s green and has two arrows pointing down, but the words are in Chinese. …I just clicked it. I’m either about to get the rest of the pages or I just purchased a human being. We’ll see how this goes."

    I’m beyond giving fucks about things at work today. We have our own standards library, but it’s in another building, and going there seemed like a whole thing.

    Fritz completely lost his shit on the other end of the phone during this narration of my thoughts/actions, by the way.