Hi. I'm George. I live in Buffalo and love it. I eat a lot, drink a lot, sleep not so much, make my own beer, and prefer my apple juice in boxes. Beyond that it gets a little more complicated.
James, in his last email to me from Thailand
Between this and the part where he called some of his 2nd grade students cunts (calling babies cunts is something I do all the time, but he had thus far refrained from) this particular letter had me laughing so hard that I was basically crying.
I took my parents to the airport the other day on my way to work. About a half hour later I received a phone call from my Da. He was basically in tears laughing. TSA had confiscated my Ma’s oatmeal when they went through security, and Ma could not for the life of her understand why. I could hear her in the background still talking to Da, saying “But it’s not a liquid!” He said she had been doing that nonstop since they passed through security. I died.
I am really glad that I agree with the Girl Scouts on this one, because I promise you guys, not a single one of my moral convictions would hold up to deprivation of those perfect, delicious bits of peanut buttery goodness that are Do-Si-Dos.
“They’re killing adorable puppies for no reason at all and I can stop it? And all I have to do is give up Do-Si-Dos? Sorry, I’m out.”
You guys! Remember last week when I thought The Good Joeys were in some trouble? Turns out, the team is even more solid than I gave them credit for, and they continue to climb the Tumblr league table. 38/354! They’ve also closed down the gap between myself and the gentleman currently in first in another of my leagues from 60+ points to 7. Keep it up boys!
Have you been wondering what Alexander Ovechkin has been up to since he’s been busy not getting any points?
If you guessed starring in a Russian rap video, you’d be correct!
[Fast forward to 2:57 to hear Ovi throw down his mad rhymes.]
He is the worst! I’m not even going to get started on how much I hate Ovechkin, because this post would get way too long. But lets just say my reasons start with his stupid fucking tinted visor and end with him leaving his feet on every check he makes. This video validates all my feelings.
You guys! With the exception of Week 19, The Good Joeys have been steadily climbing the tumblr Fantasy Premier League table since about Week 8. 46 out of 354 isn’t bad. With an incredibly low transfer total of 6 I feel pretty good about having spotted the potential in players early and sticking with them through bad spells without having knee jerk trade reactions and getting rid of them only to regret it when they return to form. Lowest number of transfers is also the first tie breaker, so there’s that too.
I try to stay away from posting about fantasy sports because who cares, right? But this is going to be a rough week for me, where I may very well not have a full team available. So I wanted to remember being this high up the table.
Ma:
Wait, did you just say you were eating bacon while you were sick?Me:
Umm, yeah? It's good for you.Ma:
No it's not!Me:
I think it is.Ma:
Just take some medicine.Me:
I'm fine, I had the bacon.Ma:
Are you really trying to tell me bacon is better than medicine?Me:
No, I'm trying to tell you that bacon is medicine. You see-Ma:
*muttering, but knowing I'm impossible to stop at this point* Oh Jesus, here we go.Me:
I was feeling like complete shit earlier. Then I ate bacon. Now I only feel medium shitty. See, the bacon made me better!Ma:
Are you done?Me:
It's science!Ma:
Just take the damn medicine.
But she kicked so much ass. For real. All the ass. I was super proud of her. She’s going to have a great second season.
Tim Howard of Everton scores from 100+ yards away in today’s loss to Bolton Wanderers. On the upside though, he now has more goals in 2012 than the entire Manchester United team. (Sorry to you United supporters, but it’s just too easy right now).
Tim Howard scores a goal. Tim Krul gets an assist. It’s been a big day in the EPL for keepers. And guys named Tim.
