Me:I told the lady I was ready for the leeches, and that it would be good to balance out my humors. She didn't get it. How do you work taking blood and not know about humors?
Me:Without a good leeching now and again, you'll run warm and wet.
Me:And no one wants that.
Me:(I'm only about 78% sure warm and wet correspond to the blood humor)
Davis:I have no idea what you're talking about.
Me:JESUS, DAVIS, LEARN YOUR ANCIENT THEORIES OF MEDICINE!
There’s a blood drive happening at work, so as I hopped into the chair I made a joke to the lady about getting out the leeches so that we could balance out my humors. She didn’t get it. I almost got up and left right then.
Me:You probably aren't aware, but Cody has a serious problem holding on to pens for more than a week. So I solved the problem by buying him a bunch of the pens with ropes to go around his neck.
Me:They're all animal print.
A:That's hot and functional.
Me:He is not thrilled.
Me:But I've ensured that his pen supply comes exclusively through me now, so that's all he's getting.
A:Remember George, with great power comes great responsibility.
Me:Yeah, I had to decide whether to start him off with a leopard, zebra, or tiger-print pen.
Me:So obviously, I'm aware.
This is a word I just yelled at a person who was driving like a… well, like a twatwaffle.
I cannot be expected to stick to existing words in moments of stress.
J:Dude, it looks like your hands are covered in blood.
Me:That is blood.
Me:Don't worry, it's lamb's blood.
J:Ooooh. I thought you might be like, sacrificing animals or something.
Me:Yep, because that's the most likely explanation here.
I’m beyond giving fucks about things at work today. We have our own standards library, but it’s in another building, and going there seemed like a whole thing.
Fritz completely lost his shit on the other end of the phone during this narration of my thoughts/actions, by the way.