Hi. I'm George. I live in Buffalo and love it. I eat a lot, drink a lot, sleep not so much, make my own beer, and prefer my apple juice in boxes. Beyond that it gets a little more complicated.
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You guys, this is a thing that actually happened today
A very Jamaican sounding man called my place of business and wanted us to test his potpourri because people were smoking it and claiming to get high.
Which, first of all, what?
Second, he wanted us to test the smoke from his product against weed to see how similar they are. When it was mentioned to him that shipping marijuana to us might not be the best idea, he said “Oh, no, you’ll have to go buy it”. At this point not laughing became nearly impossible. But I pulled through.
Then he said he only had $200 for testing and “*throat clear* supplies”.
I died.
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"What kind of environmental testing would you suggest for a rectal thermometer?"
Real, entirely serious that a client asked me today.
The rest of the conversation went as follows:
Me: “I’m sorry, … What?”
Client: *repeats question*
Me: *struggling not to laugh* “If you’ll excuse me, I need to take a second to laugh at this.” *give up on trying not to laugh, recover after 10 seconds or so* “Okay, sorry about that.”
Client: “That’s alright”
Me: “Just so you know, I’m going to tell everyone I talk to today about that question.”
Client: “I probably would too.” -
You guys, I get paid for this.
Today we quoted a job that will involve me playing with puppies for a week if it lands. A major pet retailer wants to sell a spray that’s supposed to potty train dogs by making them want to wee where you spray it. So to verify their claim we need to get a bunch of untrained dogs to tinkle. A lot. Which means I will be spending a week or so at a local rescue shelter that our company makes regular donations to playing with probably between 7 and 10 puppies as long as they will stand it. Hopefully they’ll get thirsty faster that way and they’ll piss more often. That’s the idea anyway.
Really though, the point is I will be getting paid for a week to PLAY WITH PUPPIES! I doubt there will be a single person anywhere on the planet happier than I am for that week.
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Excuse me, what was that?
Oh, you want to give me a 20% raise? As in, I’m basically getting paid for an extra day of work each week at my current salary? Oh, sure, I’ll take that.
Holy fuck you guys. This is what happened to me today. Who the hell gets a 20% raise after being at a job for under three months? Well, this guy, I guess. I will now definitely be purchasing that Bohs jersey I couldn’t afford before.
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Saving Babies!!!
You guys, this was me!
It’s pretty awesome seeing a product I tested and told Williams-Sonoma was absolute shit being recalled, and about 8 people informed me I had my first recall before I even got to my desk this morning. They seemed pretty proud.
And tomorrow is Ice Cream Thursday! Every other week the company buys all 300 or so of us at the Buffalo office ice cream, because… everyone likes ice cream? And this city doesn’t suck?
What I’m getting at is I’m pretty in love with my job.
